tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7113669102503491017.post3414581815078081573..comments2023-05-12T02:04:32.804-07:00Comments on So, um, anyway...: Sit StillRachel Pinto, MS, LAChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05755026527380715361noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7113669102503491017.post-12393656592943713522013-06-13T10:26:57.611-07:002013-06-13T10:26:57.611-07:00Tears Rachel. Beautiful. I won't offer any gre...Tears Rachel. Beautiful. I won't offer any great insights on answers-because Lord knows, folks mean well, but I have heard enough from others for the last 6 years since Ryan's diagnosis than anyone should ever have to endure in a lifetime. That said, my "tidy pile" was getting bombarded by waves and scattered and shifted constantly. The waves just kept coming with no letting up. I wasn't afforded the luxury of selecting a time to "deal" with it all and address issues in my relationship with my husband, needs of my own; all I could do was try to put out immediate fires that were EVERYWHERE with no let up to the waves. Sometimes the waves pushed me off my raft and scattered my essentials and left me scrambling to grab them back up again, barely able to catch breath before the next wave hit. The last couple of years have afforded me the ability to notice that there are breaks between waves, the sun does come out, and I have finally been able to delve into the "piles" that have collected. I have learned that my healing pace is not linear. I have learned that I need to say things out loud and let them fly away from my heart to leave me lighter. I sometimes walk with my face up to the sky to feel the sun, or the rain while others put up umbrellas and run for cover. I learned that in any given situation, "this too shall pass" and "God never gives me what I can't handle, because I can do all things through him". I try to honour my feelings when I feel them. If I wanted to stand in the shower and cry, I do. I run...a lot. I take deep breaths and steps back instead of jumping straight in. And I find over the last year that beyond the rational logic of understanding I am not in control of life-I know what that means for me. I try to be present in the moment to be proactive for the marathon. My prayer has moved from "help me God, I am not going to make it", to "help me be where I need to be, at the right time, with receptive ears to hear what your purpose is, the eyes to see it as truth, the heart/will to do whatever it takes to get there, and the right words that need to be said those around me". And most days I feel like I am doing all right, so I try to remember that when another wave rises up to smack me out of my daydream. "This too shall pass so bring it" I luvya girl.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7113669102503491017.post-7124716418837420482013-06-13T05:48:10.387-07:002013-06-13T05:48:10.387-07:00I want to meet you at Guillermo's the next tim...I want to meet you at Guillermo's the next time I'm in town. Save these thoughts as best you can until then, and we shall delve like we've never delved before. Reading this conjured up many memories of the four of us (Mercy, that sounds like a really cheap way to make this about me) and so it was shockingly visceral to hear your heart this morning. Thank you for sharing. It was, as always, very beautiful. Few days go by where I don't think about you. Miss you like crazy. I'll bring my bass, you bring your guitar, and we can split a bottle of wine somewhere and engage in a dance of wits and transparency. Jeremyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01101457952289486814noreply@blogger.com